is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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