I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
