My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
