Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
