he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
