oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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