1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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