How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Randomize
