Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
