So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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