my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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