Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
