Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It's never too late to be topless.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
