Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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