This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
