wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
