Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
