I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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