He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
