you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Fuck appropriateness.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Randomize
