grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
