Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
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