dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
