so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
