so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
