She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
