Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
