I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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