p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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