Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
