I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
