just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
