My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I came so hard my ears popped.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
