So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
