I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
home. puking in laundry basket.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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