maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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