we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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