come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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