doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
