it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
