Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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