I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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