Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
