Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
