i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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