so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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