Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
