OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
