We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
