Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
