we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
