Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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