so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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