So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
