I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
