Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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