even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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