i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
