My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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